chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
