so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
