Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize