He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
