So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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