just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
