just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
