You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
