3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
