I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
