Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
