Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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