Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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