Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
