its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
