I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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