I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
