Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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