this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
