And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
