Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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