she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
