Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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