During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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