My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
