Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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