when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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