Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
