Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
