so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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