I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
