margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
