yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
