Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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