the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
