He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
