It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize