I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
