My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
