Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
