So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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