You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
