ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He felt like a one man threesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
