so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so let's talk penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
