i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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