i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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