You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
