This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize