What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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