Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
