What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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