You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
