I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
