i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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