my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just high enough for therapy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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