shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
