Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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