Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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