She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
