Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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