Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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