using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
