Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
