Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
