Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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