I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just forgot I was standing up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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