Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
