his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
