You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
