New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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