Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize