Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
