Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am naked and annoyed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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