this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
