oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
