see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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