Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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