Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
