hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
