i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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