I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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