just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
