Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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