i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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