I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
