i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
