Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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