Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
