my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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