Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
