i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
