i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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