What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
