half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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