I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
